Formula gets an awful lot of shaft these days. It’s a shame, because formula feeding is pretty phenomenal, in my humble opinion.
I breastfed my first child, and honestly, I wish I never had.
Yea, there were some beautiful moments. Making eye contact and kissing baby fingers while nursing was great and all, but those moments didn’t outweigh the lack of autonomy and abuse that I suffered under her 2.5 year reign of terror.
When it came to postpartum depression, breastfeeding was like throwing gasoline on an already raging fire.
Come baby #2 I really didn’t care if I breastfed or not. After reading this sibling study that looks at the long-term health results of breastfed and formula fed siblings, I’m pretty sure that my kid will be fine, Carol. Thanks for your concern.
Now that #2 has turned my nipples into teething toys, and the pump is begging to be chucked across the room, formula has become a dear friend.
You can still make eye contact and kiss baby fingers while bottle feeding. Contrary to the opinion of most lactivists, formula feeding is not like giving your baby crack.
Here are 11 reasons to love formula feeding
Everyone says to take care of yourself, yet no one seems to have a good answer for how to do that when somebody is making demands from your body around the clock.
Need some sleep? A hot shower? A few minutes of silence? Oh. Nobody was talking about that kind of self care.
Using formula allows you the freedom to take care of yourself whenever you need, however you need.
Makes you less homicidal
The words, “Uh babe, I think she’s hungry” are a common trigger for new moms.
If you are resisting the urge to sucker punch your significant other several times a day, you aren’t alone.
The benefit of formula feeding, is that this becomes a non-issue. You think she’s hungry? Great. You have two hands. Use them to make a bottle. I’m going to sit right here and eat my dinner while it’s hot.
You don’t need to be milked like a cow
Has anyone else had to sit in a room while being hooked up to a breast pump with people on the other side of the door?
If you’ve never felt like a literal cow, having a crowd of people listen to a machine extract milk from your udders boobs will do the trick.
You know exactly how much your baby has had to eatvia GIPHY
There is NO possible way to know how much your baby has consumed when breastfeeding.
I hate it when someone asks, as if I could somehow produce an answer. Um, could you please tell me where the measurements are on my breasts? I can’t find them…
She just drank 6 oz an hour ago, so no, she’s not hungry. Either she crapped herself or she’s bored. One thing is certain- She. Is. Not. Hungry.
Share the love and bonding
You won’t like this if you’re the martyr type.
Assuming you’re not looking for a stake to throw yourself on, formula feeding is a pretty great way to have other people bond with your baby while you do normal life things like shower, cook, or yes, poop in peace.
Those are all really difficult to do with a kid sucking your boob. Trust me, I’ve done them all.
You get more sleep
Oh sure, you could have your husband feed the baby expressed milk, but that means you need to wake up to pump those leaky boobs or risk mastitis.
Formula feeding lets you sleep as much as you want, assuming there is another adult around.
No pain but so much gain
The early days of breastfeeding are brutal. Most babies can’t find a nipple if it’s staring them in the face and squirting milk directly into their mouth.
But when they do find it, hold on tight because you will be reminded of how cruel mother nature can be.
Eat and drink whatever you want!
Wine, cheese, spicy food, caffeine! The world is your oyster, so eat it all! Nobody is going to get gassy and scream at the top of their lungs for 6 hours if you eat something they don’t like.
Nobody confronts you and your baby about conspiring to seduce their husband via GIPHY
Yes, you heard that right. Unfortunately it happens.
Your body is completely yours
Nobody will ever scream “BOOBIES!” at the top of their lungs while hitting you and trying to rip your shirt off as you wait in line at the bank ever again. Thank god.
Breastfeeding can be great. I don’t want to discount that. Lots of women love it, and even find it addicting. Many mothers have fought hard to succeed and have no regrets.
But other women can’t do it, or straight up hate it. And that’s okay. If you fall into the latter category, know that you’re in good company. There is a rather large group of us who have been shamed into silence that would love to welcome you with open arms.
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